3 years, 36 months, 1,095 days, 26,280 hours, 1,576,800 minutes, and 94,608,00 seconds by Brooke Lynns mom
3 years, 36 months, 1,095 days, 26,280 hours, 1,576,800 minutes, and 94,608,00 seconds since I heard his voice. Add two months to that and it’s the last time I saw his handsome face. His body a vast contrast to his baby face so big firm and covered in tattoos.
He had some weight on him which I loved. Something about a teddy bear that makes me feel safe. Actually, I’m sure no matter his size I’d feel safe because that’s just the effect he has always had on me. The cause and cure. My pain and pleasure. Tall Tattooed Light-skin walking God or demon depending on who you ask.
I couldn’t imagine my life without him yet here I was without him for so long. I played tough and strong for everyone because this decision was best. I did what every single girl getting out of a long-term relationship is supposed to do TURNT UP. I mean that’s law, isn’t it?
I’m laying in my queen size canopy bed scrolling through all my social media and suddenly I can’t breathe. Like I legit had to tell myself to breathe and calm down till confirmed. I call a number I hadn’t called in a while the one who gave birth to the man I’ve been avoiding she doesn’t answer.
The tears begin but I still have to confirm. I call another number I haven’t dialed in even longer the number to the woman he shared a womb with. She also doesn’t answer. I’m falling deeper down the rabbit hole. I call a number I actually use often pops. I ask his pops if the post I saw was true did the man who still held my heart just lose his heart?
Pops confirmed what I feared that his grandmother was gone. She had died of a heart attack that morning. He also said that he wasn’t sure if he even knew. How do you tell someone that they lost the woman who raised them? How do you tell someone their heart in human form is no longer here with us especially when they are alone and away from family?
At this very moment, I regretted every ignored phone call, letter, email, and Kite (if you know you know). I regretted my hot girl summer. I regretted every single time I showed my ass to act up by city girls. I regretted every man I let have what belonged to him.
At that moment I questioned if my reason for leaving was even legitimate. All I know is I needed to be there for him. I needed to make sure he was ok. I cried and cried and made sure everyone knew to let him know to call me. I even emailed him to call me and unblocked him on all social media.
I cried for the family loss. I cried because he found out why he was all alone. I cried because I was a horrible person for shutting down our love and blocking him out of my life. He needed me I know he did and I was going to do whatever I had to to be there for him.
My phone vibrated with a number I didn’t know. My heart skipped a beat. It was always his sultry voice for me. I knew once I heard that voice any ice that had formed around my heart would melt.
With hesitation, I answered with a timid hello. His response a simple hey sent chills down my spine. “ My heart is gone man I can’t take this” were the next words I heard in my ear. The waterworks began again. We cried but as we cried we shared fond memories and laughter. This felt really good. This felt like home.
It was like that 3 years, 36 months, 1,095 days, 26,280 hours, 1,576,800 minutes, and 94,608,00 seconds never happened. We picked up right where we left off. Anything he needed I had him. When I was in my feelings he made me smile. He was once again an everyday fixture in my life.
He even asked me to visit him and I did. I cried when I saw him. How could one man have all this power? How could one man make me feel complete again? The way he looked at me I was blanketed with the emotions he felt for me. I knew I missed him but as he held me I knew I would never ever let him go again.
When we kissed I knew that there was nothing we couldn’t get through. This was love. This was unconditional. He was my lifeline and I needed him to live. Everything was great until it wasn’t.
Grandma’s death was tragic and they say death brings people together. I believe that in this case, it opened our eyes. If you love someone tell them! If you want to be with someone be with them!
As the cloud of tragedy evaporated and life got back to normal there was a conversation to be had that I forgot even needed to be had. As we Face Timed I wore a pink tube top and boy shorts all my assets on display. That smirk that drenched my panties every single time appeared on his handsome face.
Me: what are you looking at?
Me: *blushing like crazy* oh stop it seriously
Him: iight imma chill. But can I ask you something?
Me: of course anything love
Him: Why didn’t you cover my name? All this time I thought you covered it up.
Me: Why would I cover it up? Even though we weren’t together I still loved you. You’re a part of me indefinitely.
Him: You ain’t shit yo?
Me: excuse me? My guy, you need to elaborate like now Him: you hurt me deeper than anyone in my life ever has! You left me when I needed you most! The one person in the whole world who I knew I could count on who never let me down gave up on me. The one-woman I can say I was in love with not just loved shitted on me.
Me: Exactly! I had to show you I was irreplaceable. I needed you to know you could lose me. I needed you to want me not need me. Everyone said I was enabling you that you would never grow up if I was always there. I actually forgot who I was without you. My world revolved around you. I did what was best for us both. We both needed to grow.
Him: Just like you telling me now you could have told me that then. Your fucking selfish you used my grandmother’s death to get back in my life!
Me: How dare you? I loved her too! That’s my family too you ungrateful bastard. I did what I felt was best for both of us and I am not apologizing for that but I will apologize for hurting you that was not my intention.
Him: look at what you have on. Look at the things you post on social media. You didn’t do this for me you did this you ruined us because you wanted to go be a hot girl you couldn’t handle the pressure.
Me: yo you funny as a motherfucker. Me? I ruined us? Bruh you had yet another baby pop up out of nowhere and somehow I’m the problem. Yeah ok, bruh.
Him: He was before you I didn’t even know about him. You backwards as hell you stayed with a baby I had on you but left me for a baby I had before you?
Me: you just don’t get it. It was just the last straw it was the principle. It’s not about the kid it’s about yet another situation you have me in and just expect me to accept it. Expect me to always be there no matter what. I really did do this for us and you know it. You don’t mean those things about me. Whats going on? Just talk to me please.
Him: I Love you with all my heart Me: * I was baffled it sounded like he was crying so now I was scared* I love you more forever and always Him: I’m engaged There was a pregnant pause before I acknowledged the foolishness that rolled off his tongue.
Me: You don’t love her?
Him: Maybe not but she won’t hurt me.
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