God, I’m here…
I feel like I should start off this post with, “Hi, my name is Sharee and I’m a sinner,” and there would be some group of people sitting in a circle saying “Hi Sharee” in unison. That was a joke, this post is about what made me decide to start the Daniel fast, well for one I need to gain some real life clarity. My mind is always going and all over the place, but that is a small bullet point on why I decided to do this fast. Another small bullet point would be because I kinda don’t know what I’m doing, yes you can actually be moving forward in one area of your life and still be confused…if you didn’t think it was possible I am a living example of this.
When I say I don’t know what I’m doing I mean the overall “life thing” not the career and what I want to be when I grow up. I’m talking spirit and soul type confusion, the kinda confusion where you start questioning what you bring to the world and wondering when you leave what positive impact will you have left. Questions like, “If I were to die today whose life did I save and more importantly did I honor God?” I know, it sounds like I’m being fake deep and I promise you I’m not trying to be. But if I believe that God created me out of love and put me here for a reason a real reason I ought to figure out if me and him are on the same track.
I know what I want but am I doing God’s will? Every accomplishment means absolutely nothing if it wasn’t in alignment with God. Before, and I am being quite honest, I ignored even thinking about that question because I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Believe it or not you can have great success and be totally out of alignment with God. But each time something amazing would happen in my life I would thank God. What separated me from a rapper getting on stage winning an award for a song filled with curses and misogynistic lyrics and thanking God for everything? I believe that I have come to a point where I want to be on track and in alignment with God. So how does one go about that?
The fast honestly came out of nowhere, well not nowhere, my church was doing 50 days of prayer in which I ignored and then one day I didn’t. I woke up early and got on the main line (lol) with the rest of the church members and prayed. Then my pastor stated they were going to be doing a fast and not just any fast the Daniel fast. Now usually I don’t fast, the only time I have ever fasted in my life was when I fasted for Jada (my God-daughter who passed away from cancer) and haven’t fasted since. Something in me wanted to do the fast, usually people prepare (go food shopping) I got wind of the fast on Friday and it was to begin on Monday (February 1st). I had already felt defeated (because I wasn’t prepared) but I really wanted to go deeper into my relationship with God. And while I am not an every Sunday church goer I know the power of a fast from being raised in the church. (I am Madea’s little cousin lol)
I took a leap and said, “I’m going to do this fast.” I half way believed my words, and then I got on the 6am prayer call. This was the first prayer call that included the fast and my Preacher spoke a word. I gained the strength to stick it out (at least until I went food shopping). I told my mother I was going to do it, she tilted her head and smiled, and then laughed, and said,”you better do it all the way.” One thing she don’t play with is the Lord. I was scared the first day because I didn’t want to fold on the very first day, but I got through it, my social media has been limited and my tv time. I pray with my church in the morning and then again after, I talk to God throughout the day, I have been reading the bible for understanding and applying it to my life. It’s only day four but I feel different. I know I am early into the fast but I actually feel like I can make it.
I feel like I will gain a deeper connection with God and a clear view on what God’s will is for me. In just these few days I have slowed things down, I am taking the time to really appreciate things. Some might say its mental but I don’t think so. On day 2 I thought I was going to surely die because my head was hurting so bad, if my Pastor wouldn’t have informed me of this I would have been sitting in the doctors office shaking (that’s how bad it was). Day 4 feels kinda normal, I smelled my sister’s soda when she opened it and had to leave to room. But other than cravings I am doing better. If nothing else I have become a creative when it comes to figuring out what I will eat lol. I was surprised by how many of my friends have done the Daniel fast and that encouraged me so much. Especially when my friend mentioned vegan food (y’all know that be tasting like the real thing lol).
Working on gratitude, curbing my tongue (for me this is half the battle) coming from a place of understanding and not judgement, coming into a problem with solutions and not just a sigh and then feeling stressed out. All of these things I have been learning (in four days lol) I know it seems like overload but I’m just happy things are making sense. I’ll check in again…maybe in another four days.
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