Alpha Male Or Awful Male?

(Trigger warning: The following article will mention intimate partner violence, also known as dating abuse.)

Sistah Girls for those of you who may not know, February was Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM). As someone who serves in Youth Advocacy, ya girl likes to make sure that I remain updated on all information surrounding the realities of young people.

In my recent research, I came across an article from the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia Center for Violence Prevention, which states that intimate partner violence (IPV) is “disturbingly common in adolescents and young adults ages 10 to 24.”

Whenever my students and I have discussions about interpersonal relationships, I always pose the question about where they have adopted their examples of romantic relationships. The responses vary from friends, music, TV, and/or books, to name a few.

Like a majority of readers, I fell in love with books early in life. So much so that by the time I was entering high school, a young Takeah had read, re-read, and re-re-re-read everything in both the kids and teens sections of the multiple libraries I frequented.

In search of something new one day, my homegirls and I ventured to the adult section, and baaabbbyyy, once we cracked open that first Triple Crown joint, there was no turning back!

The drama, the thuggish ruggish men, the sex (!!!), all of it played a part in capturing our young curiosities.

Aside from the Urban Romance and Street Lit that raised me, ya girl was a Brenda Jackson STAN from that first softback cover I ever picked up! It was in the pages of Mrs. Jackson’s books that I swooned over some of the most tender, protective, steady examples of Black love ever to be inked.

Much like my students of today, the books I read back then encouraged me to pay more attention to the relationships of others around me. I began to consider what I did and didn’t want in my romantic relationship someday.

Case in point, if a person were to stop me today and ask for my example of a man’s man, I could list my qualifying characteristics with ease. And if any of y’all were wondering, descriptors such as alpha, dominant, and/or leader would be in the mix for the hypothetical Mr. Latimore.

It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It…

Speaking of imaginary brothas… Sistah Girls, today’s topic is one that has been stewing with me for a minute. Before we dive deeper, I lovingly offer a reminder that anytime I address something regarding the Black Lit community, it is done with the purest of love, the utmost respect, and the desire to do my part in the continuous evolution of this beloved space I inhabit as both a reader and an author.

However, I wouldn’t be your Sistah Girl if I didn’t address the ominous energy looming behind some of these male characters being penned lately.

Y’all know how this goes: tuck the little readers in, grab that glass of fermented grapes (a shot or two if needed), and let’s talk about the very thin line between alpha male and awful male.

According to the dictionary, an alpha is “a socially dominant person or animal.”

For our four-legged friends in the animal kingdom, the alpha is typically determined through some form of challenge against another of their species. As human beings, qualifiers for what makes a male an alpha tend to differ based on one’s personal preference and other contributing factors.

Whenever I hear someone say alpha male, I think of a take charge, don’t play about my lady, tell me what you need, and I ’ll-make-it-happen type of brotha. And if the book reviews I see across socials are anything to go by, it’s safe to assume we all share a similar definition.

In fact, over the last couple of years, the word alpha has stood firm as a fan favorite for authors and readers alike when describing a book’s main male character. As a woman raised by men who do anything necessary for the ones they love, trust, I fully understand the appeal.

On the flip, I have been DNFing books left and right because of the male leads and their pernicious behaviors, which I feel are mislabeled as romantic simply because that’s subtitled on the book’s cover.

Or because “crashing out” over someone is the new way to show you’re all about them. Perhaps it’s because unhinged romance is becoming a future subgenre of Black Literature.

Whatever the case, in this reader’s opinion, these fictional men being penned are not giving anything but abusive.

But What You’re Saying… 

 In my research for TVDAM, I stumbled across an Oregon Health & Science University article that says, “One in four women will experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime.”

The National Domestic Violence Hotline defines dating violence as something that occurs when one partner aims to “maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.”

This is done through a pattern of controlling behaviors common for abusers ranging from physical, emotional, financial, digital, sexual, and/or stalking.

Sistah Girls, when it comes to the male protagonists of these books… lately, I am sad to say they have been earning an A+ in the categories of emotional abuse, digital abuse, stalking, and in some cases, sexual and physical abuse. 

How some of these MMCs speak to their love interest and the way they speak about them gives me the ick.

To me, it seems that Black Lit is transitioning much too quickly and comfortably from men who communicate their need for space so they don’t unintentionally hurt their lady’s feelings. To emotionally stunted man-children who threaten bodily harm, or straight up pull some act of intimidation, to get their way with the lady they swear to love so deeply.

When I first stumbled upon Black Indie Lit, my adoration for Black romance stories–birthed by Mrs. Jackson’s writings–evolved with each book I finished. Once I found out the independent author baes were not only penning tender and protective Black men, but they were loyal and a lil streetwise too… that was all I needed to ride for my Black indie baes forever-ever!

The question is, how did we go from MMCs who laud over the FMC, to those who lord over them instead? 

Perhaps somewhere along the journey of penning the perfect fictional man’s man, a Professor Utonium happened, unintentionally mixing a lot of Chemical X into these male leads.

The Chemical X in this scenario is the Author Baes writing men who have one foot across the IPV line and the other hovering dangerously above it. 

All I’m Saying Is…

As a Black woman, it is already draining having to navigate the world around me whilst sharing it with the insufferable, inconsiderate, and straight up dangerous human sector of some in the male species.

But to pick up a book and read about these horrendous acts in what’s supposed to be a romance book? PUHLEEZE TAKE ME OUT THE GROUP CHAT! 

Author Baes, it’s time we go back to the outlines and reconsider what type of men we are trying to portray. As I mentioned earlier, ya girl likes em a lil hardbody (it’s the Midwest in me LOL).

However, at my big age of fully-developed-frontal-lobe-years-old, I wouldn’t even blink at a man in real life if he carried on like the ones being written. And if we’re being honest, you wouldn’t either.

Understand that the books we write today may very well end up being the soil in which someone’s beliefs about men and relationships are planted.

While I’m not telling you what to write or what to read, nor am I trying to yuck anybody’s yum. I want to encourage that we all get back to that space where the men we spend hours, months, and years thinking, writing, and reading about are good people at the very least. If not for yourselves, do it for the 1 in 4.

Until next time. Remember: “Just think love” – Lauryn Hill.

Peace!

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